The Kill
by lavenderlife
Summary: Reid-centric. Spencer realizes that maybe men mean more to him than he'd originally thought, and seeks advice from JJ. With her help he realizes his feelings for a co-worker, but is this attractive, new employee all he says he is? Eventual Hotch/Reid, first of four chapters.


Ooooh, what is this? A multi-chapter story arc? ;D We shall see...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters, I just dig into their non-canonical lives and ~imagine~

(and possibly thread some tall tales)

Oh yeah, also, the book JJ mentions isn't a real book, I was too lazy to look up one. (ugh, effooorrrttt)

Read and enjoy, and please, _please, **please **_help me improve by leaving a review, I have a long way to go before my writing skills are half-decent :)

Okay, au revoir!

* * *

The faint smell of perfume was lingering in her car when Spencer got in.

"Hey." JJ said, and flashed him a smile. Spencer mumbled a hello as got in, awkwardly stuffing his lanky legs into the space under the dash board. His knees still came up past his waist.

"So..." JJ said, looking at her friend expectantly.

"So, what?" Spencer replied, deciding to play dumb. He didn't want to talk about some girl she had set him up with. He wanted to talk about Trenton Li, the man he seemingly had a crush on.

JJ, although not his best friend, was the first person he wanted to confide in about being attracted to a male, mainly because she was a bit like a mother. Spencer had decided she could offer the best advice.

She snorted. "Oh, come on Spence, we're not in third grade."

"The date went okay, if that's what you're wondering. Lola is very kind."

He looked out the window. The sky looked grey. Lola was loud and self absorbed, and she kissed a different man at the club during their date. He doubted that her IQ was higher than 97. Spencer immediately felt bad about thinking that, and decided not to think about Lola anymore to avoid insulting her.

"So uh, how is Henry? I haven't seen him since last month." Spencer said, attempting to direct the attention to a different topic. JJ got the idea, easing off on the dating side of things.

"He's great! I swear he grows taller each day. Will even suggested giving him coffee in the morning." she laughed before continuing. "He misses you a ton. And he refuses to wear anything that he thinks you wouldn't wear. He has has quite the little man-crush on you." JJ looked over to find Spencer with his jaw clenched.

"Woah, Spence, you OK?"

JJ had no way of knowing, but mentioning a man-crush had just directed his attention back to his turmoil about Trenton.

He swallowed and let a breath out, but kept his hands in tight fists.

"JJ?"

"Yeah?" she answered uneasily.

"I, uh. I need your advice on something."

"Um, sure Spence. Do you want me to drive you home, and we can chat there, or...?"

"Yeah, sure. Uh, are you sure? You're not busy or anything?"

"Spence." She flicked her right signal on, turning to her friend while waiting for a green light. "Nothing's more important to me than being there for a friend." She smiled and put her hand on Spencer's fist, uncurling his fingers and squeezing his hand. Spencer nodded slowly, squeezing her hand back to show he understood.

"The light's green." he stated, nodding to the traffic light. JJ let go of his hand and spun the wheel right. It was just a quick drive down a small side street to Spencer's apartment. She'd been there before. It wasn't in one of those buildings that smell like cigarette smoke and urine. He lived above a small bookstore owned by a sweet lady named Catherine Pines. Spencer called her Ms. Pines, but she preferred to be called 'Cathy' by everybody else. There was no separate entrance to the apartment out front, so you had to walk through the bookstore to get to Spencer's place, or go around back for a solitary entrance.

"Can you go around back, JJ? Through the alley?" There were steps down from the deck of his place to the gravel where Cathy and the clerk parked their cars, and it provided a make-do private entrance for when he wanted no social interaction with the people in the bookstore. Now was one of these times. JJ glanced at her younger friend out of the corner of her eye. 'What is going on with you?' She silently asked Spencer. He spoke next as if he heard her.

"I know I'm acting weird. Uh. Weirder, I guess, than I usually am... But just let me explain why when we get in. Watch your step on the stairs, they get slippery when it rains." Spencer opened the car door and walked around to the other side, opening JJ's. When they got to the stairs she hooked her arm through his and he led her up to the screen door.

"Close your eyes for a second." He said.

JJ raised her eyebrows, a smile playing on her lips. "You can't be serious."

Spencer gave a sheepish smile. "My mother was a paranoid Schizophrenic. She drilled into my head when I was barely three that everybody was evil and to trust nobody. Force of habit."

JJ smiled back and rolled her eyes, making a show of using Spencer's scarf as a blindfold. Spencer quickly grabbed the key taped under one of the leafs of the plastic plant sitting beside the stairs. He unlocked the door and turned to put it back, but got distracted by a figure lugging a big cardboard box around the cars and towards the bookstore.

He stopped to rest, putting down the box. Spencer blushed, realizing it was Trenton Li, the new boy - no - man who worked for Cathy. Trenton was 26, a year younger than Spencer, but was much more experienced in the romance section of life, which was why Spencer couldn't speak to him without blushing. Trenton is what people would call "smooth". He's had a tough life though, and how he managed to smile every day baffled Spencer.

He moved to Canada from China when he was eighteen with his older sister, and they had been stumbling around trying to hold a job when Cathy found them while visiting her daughter. Cathy's daughter recruited Trenton's older sister to be a model, and Cathy decided to take Trenton under her wing. Trenton lived in the apartment above Spencer for free, working on minimum wage until he had enough money to rent a place of his own a couple blocks away. Now he works two minimum wage jobs, and his sister sends him money every once in a while. He might even get upgraded to store manager, seeing as Cathy might move to Canada to live with her daughter. She started her life there. Spencer thought it would be nice to end it there too. He intended on moving to Nevada when he retired.

Trenton slipped off his shirt, leaving him in only a muscle shirt, and dabbed his brow with the fabric. Spencer blushed harder.

"Earth to Spencer, come in Spencer." A voice jolted him out of his thoughts. "Can I look now?"

"Oh! JJ. Sorry. One second." He re-taped the key to the bottom of the leaf.

"Ok, you can look now."

JJ dropped the scarf, waiting for him to enter. He pushed open the door. "Ladies first." He said, smiling. JJ snorted and walked in. He looked back towards the cars, but Trenton was gone. 'Get it together, Spencer.' he thought to himself. 'Trenton is straight. You are straight.' He glanced at the spot where Trenton was standing, trying to cool down his face. '...or are you?' he sighed, before walking into his apartment and sliding the door shut. He took one last glance outside before heading into the living room. The sky was still grey.

* * *

The room smelled of daisies, due to the flowers Ms. Pines had given him for his birthday last week. They had wilted away by now, just shrivelled up brown petals hanging on to stems, floating in week old water on top of the kitchen counter. Spencer could see the old jelly jar siting there on the marble from his position on the couch. He couldn't smell the flowers anymore, as his nose had gotten used to the smell, but he knew it was hanging there in the air, much like his words. He had attempted humor, but his voice fell flat halfway through and ended up sounding pathetic. Sad and pathetic.

After finishing his explanation of his physical reactions to Trenton (blushing, stuttering, forgetting was he was going to say, and certain other body parts doing certain other things), and emotional/mental reactions he had been experiencing since Trenton moved in (excitement to see him, anxiety that he said the wrong thing to him, and thinking about him non-stop, provoking dreams that Spencer would rather not get into), he had said to JJ that he was "just a bundle of problems, wasn't he?"

JJ understood that Spencer was feeling scared and confused about his sexuality, but that maybe he was overreacting a bit.

"Spence, which gender you like doesn't matter. You like this Li guy, right?"

He knotted his fingers together, feeling bad about inviting JJ in just to listen to him rant about his issues, but feeling more dissatisfied with the answer he got. "I don't know. I... I'm not gay. I hadn't really been interested in girls when I was younger. My first real crush was on this girl in my first year in university when I was fourteen and she was nineteen. Her name was Danielle and she was majoring in mental health. She uh. She heard about my mom and invited me to have a coffee with her on the last day of school. It was her last year there. She wasn't planning on coming back, i think. She gave me a hug after talking to me for an hour or so, got up, paid the bill, and walked out the door, and that was the last time I saw her. Without her to fuel the crush, it just faded. Ten years later, give or take a couple months, there was you, then there was Lila, but that's about it."

JJ nodded, thinking a bit before responding. "And um... Well... Have you ever felt...Are you attracted to him sexually?"

Reid blushed a deep shade of red, "JJ!" He exclaimed.

"I know, I know. It's not the easiest subject for me either..."

"I guess, I don't really know, I'm not the best person to ask about sex..."

"If you are," JJ continued, "and that's something you have to figure out for yourself, then you're either gay or bi. You obviously have crush on him."

Spencer frowned. "You say this with quite a bit of certainty. And you didn't even mention the chance of me just... I dunno, being curious, but actually straight."

"Well do you think you're straight?"

"...No." Spencer admitted with a puff of air. He realized he had been holding his breath. "I think that I have feelings for Trenton that I shouldn't be ignoring. I just don't know what to do about them."

"What you should do depends on what you want the outcome to be. Say you confessed your feelings to Trenton, and they were reciprocated. Would you want a relationship with him? Or do you just want to be sure that they are feelings for a man, and be content knowing who you are?" JJ looked at her companion. She was certain that he wasn't straight. She was also certain that he definitely liked this Mr. Li. She might have peeked and saw Spencer staring at Trenton while he was putting the key back.

Spencer shrugged. "I don't know. I just... I'm just not sure. I've talked to him before. We're friends, I guess. He's..." Spencer swallowed. "Attractive. I guess I would just have to see what happens. If it felt right, I guess I'd go with it, but if I wasn't comfortable, I could always just avoid him."

"So then..."

"...I should tell him?"

JJ smiled. "Not quite. Try engaging in conversation. Lean in a little while you guys are talking, and if he doesn't lean away, or even leans closer, it means that he's comfortable with you. Try more contact. A pat on the back, or maybe brush against him while walking by. If he seems comfortable with it, and returns the actions, use your better judgement. Ask him how he feels about gay rights and all that. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. If it seems like he's not interested, find yourself a different guy."

The younger agent nodded slowly. In the middle of mulling over this new information, JJ's phone buzzed in her back pocket. She pulled it out and quickly read over a text before switching it off. "It's Will. He's wondering where I am." She looked at him.

"Oh. Well, I'm okay. You don't need to stay," Spencer said.

JJ smiled nervously. "Alright, well..."

She stood and slipped her phone into her jacket pocket, then picked her keys up off the coffee table. Spencer stood as well, accidentally bumping a book off the table with his knee. He scrambled to pick it up but JJ was closer. Before setting it back in it's place, she read the cover. Spencer stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched a spot on the carpet.

"Contemporary Narcotics Information... James Graham? Spencer what is this?" She held the book up for him to see. He raised his head.

"A book?"

"A narcotics book."

"Ooh, an informative book on something in my apartment? Big surprise." he retorted, suddenly getting defensive.

"Spencer..." JJ said, putting down the book and taking his hands. She felt his shoulders stiffen. For ten seconds (he knew because he'd counted), she just looked at him, mouth half open, as if the words were stuck. Then, she let her hands drop, and pursed her lips, saving Spencer from a lecture on something that he probably knew more about than her. But before he could completely relax, she looked up at him again, this time determined to speak.

Spencer cut her off.

"I love you.

It wasn't what he had been trying to say, or at least not like that, and Spencer immediately started back-tracking.

"I mean, not like that. Like, not romantically." He glanced up at his friend to gauge how badly he had messed up, but found her smiling. He blushed and paused, waiting for her to jump in in save him, but she didn't say anything, so he continued. "I've known you for years and you've always been such a good friend and I'm not really sure why I'm telling you this because I know that you know how I feel about you but-"

"I get it, Spence, and I love you too."

He let out a breath of air. "Okay. Well what I'm trying to say is that I love you and I have friends and a family at the BAU and I'm enjoying my life, aside from the job, and I wouldn't throw that away."

JJ smiled at him, laying a hand on his shoulder and kissing him on the cheek. "Take care of yourself, Spence." She picked up her handbag and opened the door, but turned once more. "See you on monday."

"Bright 'n' early." Spencer responded and smiled, and it seemed to be enough to get her out the door and home to her family.

Spencer flipped open his phone and checked the time. 8:00pm. Was that late enough to go to bed? He decided that he was probably tired enough to sleep through the next decade (although a little voice in the back of his head that sounded a lot like the voice that knew statistics told him how utterly impossible that was).

~END~


End file.
